Developers, come ‘n get it!

A public service address from Ucluelet councillor Billaric Russcheving

The following is a transcription of a talk given to the Ucluelet Development Task Force shortly before the Lot 16 public hearing, and is presented as an educational public service by the Ukee Tattler.

Hello, my name is councillor Billaric Russcheving and I’ve been asked to fill you people in on a few basic facts about representative democracy here in U … Uka … Uculuss.

Now a lotta people think just because they voted me in, I’m gonna listen to what they have to say about every little thing. But you gotta realize that a politician represents ALL the people, not just you. Me, I do my level best to represent what I call the “silent, gruntled majority” — all those good citizens who never come to meetings or speak up or appear to give a rat’s ass about what happens to this town.

Now you, no doubt, are part of what we might call the loud, DISgruntled minority. You get all excited about things. You make presentations to council. You write letters to the editor. Hell, you hold community meetings. Every tiny little issue that comes up — and this measly, 88-unit resort condo thing in the heart of town is a prime example — then sure as my name is Billaric Russcheving, some special interest group is drowning out the silent, gruntled majority and trying to screw up council’s plans.

Well I’m here to tell ya it won’t work. We’re too experienced for that. Y’see, most politicians use what they call a multiplier factor. When they hear from a disgruntled constituent, they assume about 200 other people hold the same view. A lot of letters and complaints and they figure they better start responding.

But here in U … Ukaka … Ukanish, we do things different. We use what you might call a divider factor — the more we hear from you, the less we care.

Because whatever you disgruntled people may think, I KNOW what this town really needs. No matter how many of you speak out against a development at public hearings, I hear from twice that many who are FOR the development. Well I don’t exactly hear from them because they’re the silent, gruntled majority … but I KNOW what they want. By coincidence, it’s exactly the same thing I want.

My esteemed colleague and long-time council member Erikio St. Larsejake said it best: What’s good for me is good for U … Ucka … Ukaba … ah hell, let’s just call it Tofino South, ’cause with me in charge that’s what it’s gonna wind up as.

Floathomes prime cause of Sound pollution

Floathomes are now being targeted in a near hysterical campaign by the BC government and the Central Region Board for raw sewage discharge that may be shutting down all life as we know it in Clayoquot Sound.

As the scientific graph at left proves, floathome feces plays a major role in the degradation of pristine Sound waters.

The District of Tofino, by contrast, has been pumping its poo, and that of all its tourists, into Clayoquot Sound since, well, forever — a discharge, however, that is grudgingly tolerated by the government and CRB, although both are urging the district to install secondary treatment — by 2025.

On the other hand, Clayoquot Sound’s fish farms dump a whopping amount of untreated feces into the water, but they are being encouraged to expand by the powers that be.

“As any reasonable person can see,” a CRB spokesman said, “the evidence is clear: Controlling floathomes is mandatory to the health of Clayoquot Sound.