Co-op sets architectural standard

Following the example set by Ucluelet Co-op’s recent makeover, Tofino Co-op is now setting the standard for local architecture in its own renovation-in-progress.

The vast expanse of blank cinderblock wall and utter lack of overhangs to shelter shoppers from the rain just screams West Coast, according to commentators on the town’s evolving look.

Others commend the store for effectively sidestepping local architectural guidelines. Noting the Co-op’s stature as the town’s heavyweight business, they point out the many redesigns the CIBC bank across the street had to go through before its exterior design was approved. “Bravo,” said one pro-development passerby. “Tofino is now all about maximum square footage for minimum buck, and this can only raise the bar.”

“I love it!” said local Brandy Soss, walking her seeing eye dog past the site one evening. “It’s like our very own big box store, right on the quintessential Tofino hangout corner.”

Locals are looking forward to what new aesthetic surprises the ongoing renovation will bring.

Ukee says yes to 25 years of debt

In a collective jerk of the knee, Ucluelet residents voted an overwhelming 76% YES to the community centre loan, in the desperate hope of stemming a flood of mindless propaganda from the district office.

“I couldn’t turn around without seeing one of those ‘Vote Yes’ pamphlets,” said Pine Street resident Tina Tuna, walking her dog near Davison Plaza. “Then there were the presentations, the info sessions, the peer pressure … it was making me crazy. Two million is cheap, if it puts an end to the brainwashing campaign.’”

Other residents are equally relieved. Tom Codfinger, a retiree, said he wanted to vote no “just to teach them councillors a lesson about respecting the voters,” but said he couldn’t face the prospect of another “community education session” down the road when council tries to ram through another attempt.

Residents are now beginning to apply for the second and third jobs they will require to keep on living in Ucluelet. Mayor St. Jacques is scheduling hairdresser appointments so as to be looking good for the award ceremonies at the centre groundbreaking, and is also calculating how much she’ll save on her Area C property taxes now that District of Ucluelet taxpayers are footing the bill for her dream infrastructure.

Below, the Yes Vote Steering Committee exits its media bunker deep under the district office, satisfied at the referendum results.

Friends to change name

Thursday’s Friends of Clayoquot Sound AGM proved the enviro movement is no stranger to titanic egos, despite it’s let’s-all-just-get-along veneer. In a community-alienating move, one board nominee was railroaded off the board after agreeing to participate, because other nominees thought he might not share the Friends’ traditional “consensus approach” — because of a 10-year-old argument with one of the principals.

The would-be Friend stormed out of the meeting in anger and disgust, presumably to spread the word throughout town, while presentations continued inside on why the group seems to be losing local support.

Word on the street is that the organization may now be changing its name from Friends of Clayoquot Sound to Friends of Val Langer, but this remains unconfirmed.